"There's no such thing as work-family balance", i forgot where I got this idea but it's obviously a fact!
When I chose to have my children, I know I might be burdened by the perception that I'd be less dedicated to work. Even though I have the option to leave my job, I would be so worried about the possibility of being unemployed. Or should I say, to be employed in another company.
I know that in the first place I wanted to try this.
It hurts both me, my husband and my children when we can't spend much time together now that we are complete, especially when I can see it in their eyes how they feel about leaving them before going to bed or arriving after they're awake. And when I'm stressed out or exhausted from work after a long night, my kids would tell me negative things, like.. "You don't love me anymore Mama", and I feel I am not doing enough. I feel so guilty. I even hate the fact that I would accidentally fall asleep in the middle of tutoring them or playing with them. As for my husband, we haven't had any serious talks or even sweet talks anymore.
I love my family, there's no doubt about that. Someone would tell me, "When you go to the office you normally leave home behind, so as your family. And your children are still young, don't you think it's time for you to be a mother and not leave them at an early age?" and "By the time you arrive home, out of exhaustion you get into small issues with your husband. An argument with him is a lot more draining than an argument with a colleague in the office. ". This is such a huge confusion about work and family.
I am not complaining about how my job exhausts me, in fact I feel self-fulfillment about having this job and making my grandparents proud (again), but I believe I do not like the fact that it takes almost 4 hours to travel from home to work and work to home. I do not have enough time to spend with my family, especially with my children. It's such a waste of time to spend all your energy in some extra curricular activities. I don't even have time for my husband and to socialize. Since I didn't get all my parents' time and attention when I was young, I do not want my children to feel that way and to realize that when they grow up. Otherwise they will end up like me. No time for their future family and for themselves.
When I chose to have my children, I know I might be burdened by the perception that I'd be less dedicated to work. Even though I have the option to leave my job, I would be so worried about the possibility of being unemployed. Or should I say, to be employed in another company.
I know that in the first place I wanted to try this.
It hurts both me, my husband and my children when we can't spend much time together now that we are complete, especially when I can see it in their eyes how they feel about leaving them before going to bed or arriving after they're awake. And when I'm stressed out or exhausted from work after a long night, my kids would tell me negative things, like.. "You don't love me anymore Mama", and I feel I am not doing enough. I feel so guilty. I even hate the fact that I would accidentally fall asleep in the middle of tutoring them or playing with them. As for my husband, we haven't had any serious talks or even sweet talks anymore.
I love my family, there's no doubt about that. Someone would tell me, "When you go to the office you normally leave home behind, so as your family. And your children are still young, don't you think it's time for you to be a mother and not leave them at an early age?" and "By the time you arrive home, out of exhaustion you get into small issues with your husband. An argument with him is a lot more draining than an argument with a colleague in the office. ". This is such a huge confusion about work and family.
I am not complaining about how my job exhausts me, in fact I feel self-fulfillment about having this job and making my grandparents proud (again), but I believe I do not like the fact that it takes almost 4 hours to travel from home to work and work to home. I do not have enough time to spend with my family, especially with my children. It's such a waste of time to spend all your energy in some extra curricular activities. I don't even have time for my husband and to socialize. Since I didn't get all my parents' time and attention when I was young, I do not want my children to feel that way and to realize that when they grow up. Otherwise they will end up like me. No time for their future family and for themselves.
